Connor Murphy (
yourattention) wrote2021-04-09 04:11 pm
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RESIDENCE ✦ Jackdaw Ranch
GEMBOND ✦ Sapphire
Dear Evan Hansen, we've been way too out of touch.
Things have been crazy and it sucks that we don't talk that much.
INFO ✧ PERMISSIONS ✧ KINKLIST
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Look it up on your own—hey! Hey, what did I say about falling asleep?
[Connor drops his phone onto the couch next to him and turns, one hand settling under Dave's shirt and the other coming up to touch Dave's face. His thumb sweeps across the gem on Dave's cheek, because sometimes you're a sapphire and your inherent need to be weird about touch is being overridden by your need to make sure someone is safe. The angle's weird for touching their foreheads together again, so instead Connor drops his head to rest on Dave's shoulder.]
Do not fucking die on me. That's not allowed.
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[ he's still crouched there when the mood turns and he watches dave carefully, expression mostly impassive but still tinged with worry like it had been in the alley.
finally, finally, he touches connor's shoulder and straightens. ]
Do what you need to do to save him. I'm going into the other room to get water for him.
[ he'd rather a boy make out with his son than his son die horribly, probably, is what he's going for here. he just doesn't want to stare like a freak while it happens. ]
If he dies... [ a pause. he turns. ] Just don't let it happen.
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[Just sort of fading in and out of the moment, which is obviously much better. In his mind, he's not dying because he feels relatively calm and not gripped by panic like he was before.
Vaguely, he remembers feeling weirdly calm the first time he died. He dismisses it.
It makes the way his skin prickles eagerly under Connor's hands all the more confusing. Is it a will to live or do Connor's hands just feel good? He doesn't have the brain space to remember the fact that Bro is looming over this moment, he does have the brain space to feel troubled by the fact that he likes this attention from Connor specifically.
He's an asshole. He misses Karkat. This is not how the golden years were meant to go.
The weight of his head on his shoulder does wonders to keep him grounded, even if he feels like his chest is aching so bad he could cry. He still leans in to the touch on his face, his gem is starting to pulsate gently and warmth is starting to creep back into him. He tilts his head against Connor's, semi-hiding in all that hair.
Bro's voice really seems to ring out to him, reminding him that he is in fact here. Here, not dead, watching a dude lying on top of him. Dave glances up at him from over his shades with sort of a helpless look. In his mind he thinks it's something like yeah, I'm gay we can talk about it later but it mostly just looks like he's powerless to the gay whims that are keeping him alive.]
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Yes or no?
[It's quiet, because he's aware that they all have very different priorities and well. It's not like he got an actually homophobic vibe off of Dirk, so much as he got a "I prefer if gay happens not in front of me" vibe. Which, like, Dirk's out of the room but Connor's still not going to full-on make out with Dave in Dirk's apartment if that makes Dave uncomfortable. The hand under Dave's shirt slides higher, though, the touch cool even if the intent is clearly not.]
I can probably heal you like this.
[The "it'll just take, like, a really long time" is left unsaid. He's using a lot of manna to do this and it definitely feels like he's being drained faster than he can replenish here, but he doesn't want to pressure Dave into doing anything.]
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The pitch of his hum is way higher than he'd like it to be and he juuust slightly arches into the touch like a cat leaning up into a pat. It just feels like sweet relief to his itchy, raw skin.
It's the probably that stands out to him in that. It implies that they could be doing this a while and maybe that's not a bad thing but he weighs his options idly. They could have one quick, hot, heavy make-out session that he will feel terrible about later or they could fondle each other on the couch intimately for upwards of an hour and he'll still probably feel terrible.]
Yes.
[He breathes it out so it's barely audible, but he means it.]
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[That's quiet too, Connor shifting so he's settled on Dave's lap. The hand on Dave's face shifts, holding him in place as Connor fits their mouths together. It feels like relief, like discordant notes finally falling into line, and this kiss is different from the previous one. It's more demanding, the hand under Dave's shirt sliding farther up even as Connor keeps the barest sliver of space between their bodies.
This is easier, shaping the thing between them until a song swells around them and he can channel that back into Dave. It's different than when he's forcefully shaping music into what he needs, easier to direct the flow where it needs to go and keeps the reins in his own hands.]
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The first wave of relief pales in comparison to the one that washes over Dave now. He's grateful for the swell of the music because it muffles the sound of a relieved sigh. Connor is, in more ways than one, a tall fucking drink of water.
Dave reaches up tp slip a hand gently over Connor's neck to rest in his hair, which is a fleeting desire he's had from time to time. He's not much of a participant in it, initially, but as Connor channels power into him he starts to wake up into the moment. He knits his hand into his hair and deepens the kiss, craving more of the contact between them.
It's all a confusing jumble of a genuine connection he feels with Connor and one that is driven by a need and nothing more. The lines blur more and more as it continues, with some urgency in the back of his mind both because he's fighting to keep getting further and further away from death and because he feels aware that there's some reason he wants to keep this brief. Can't imagine why, at this point.
His breathing is less ragged but still urgent when he pulls back, visibly disoriented from the rush of synchrony. He breathes out a name that is very familiar to him and probably only vaguely familiar to Connor.]
Karkat.
[It's so faint, but it sounds so fucking loud to him and the tips of his ears turn pink again as he feels cold, awkward embarrassment tip over him.]
Ah.. Shit. Sorry. [In fairness, he sounds desperately tired.]
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You're so innocent, you know? Pure. Never change, Connor.
The drum sounds again, before cutting off abruptly. He can't let that one play. If he does, it won't stop and he doesn't want—he doesn't need ghosts anymore. Connor breathes out and then shakes his head.]
I save your life and you can't even be assed to remember my name? Rough, schnickelfritz.
[The fact that he actually puts in the effort to make it sound like a joke should feel off. The hand under Dave's shirt retreats as Connor moves his other to brush over Dave's gem again. He doesn't move from where he's settled on Dave's lap, but he does lean back enough that there's room for Jesus between them.]
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He feels better, physically. Mentally, he feels like an absolute sack of shit for so many reasons.
Connor is hard to get a read on generally. Dave still feels like he just drops mad hints that he mostly misses. Butterfingers. The change in music, however, heavily implies that this was not a pro-gamer move.
He doesn't shy away from the touch to his gem, but he slides his hands up his face with an exasperated noise as soon as Connor pulls back. He pushes his shades up to rest on his forehead, rubbing his bloodshot eyes.]
I'll have a good explanation in three to five business days. [Haha, it's fiiine.]
Thanks, Ceej.
[He meets his eyes to say it, though his expression is meek and his eyes are bleary. What a vision.]
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Fuck it. It doesn't matter. He just saved Dave's life, and he's earned the right to perch in Dave's lap like a terrible bird if he wants to. Leaning in so his mouth is by Dave's ear, Connor whispers:]
You owe me a punishment later.
[Not right now, for obvious reasons. But the sapphire makes him bold and free enough to say what he wants. In his mind, this falls under "what you need to do to save him." Not this time, but for the future because he doesn't care about Dave? He thinks he doesn't care about Dave, at least, but he also desperately never wants to do this again.]
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things are confusing when you're a strider.
he sighs though, setting a glass of water down on the coffee table and dropping into a chair across the way and tipping his head back toward the ceiling. that movement makes his hat fall off, but he makes no move to grab it off the floor.
it's funny--he's never worried about dave like this. he always had faith nothing could touch him, but something has (had, after he'd died), and it bothers him.
finally he lifts his head again, shades still firmly in place, and all he says is: ]
Thank you.
[ he's not even being weird about connor perching on dave's lap. the situation is weird, but he's just not being an asshole about it. ]
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Despite the fact that he's well aware Bro is just in the other room, he's kind of glad to still have Connor close. He feels like he'd feel a little empty if he fully pulled away from him.
What he could do without, however, is the fucking whispering. Dave shivers, less able to hide that now that he's still worn out. The redness starts to creep over his neck as he flusters and he presses his lips together in a thin line, pulling back to level a flat look on Connor.]
We'll talk.
[He aims to forget.
He leans even further back as Bro re-enters, trying not to look too hopelessly surprised at his reaction. He remembers the look on his face when he found them, but it's already a vague blur. He feels something flutter in his chest feeling. Well. Kind of special. In a way he's not sure he ever remembers feeling to Bro.]
Yeah. I owe you.
[But he means something, like, normal.]
I think I need to sleep or something.
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[Connor kisses Dave's cheek, the one without a Gem, and shifts to sit down next to Dave. It's less because he wants to and more because holding a glass of water for Dave to drink is... a line he doesn't want to cross with Dirk in the room. If they were alone, he probably would've and that's something to turn over until it makes sense later.]
Can he stay here? He shouldn't be by himself.
[I think the guy will come back is the unspoken underlying statement. Connor assumes that Dirk will be able to read between the lines there—if a guy tracks you down and tries to kill you, a single attempt isn't usually where he stops. The mad scientist Dave pissed off is going to be back and Connor would rather it not be while Dave's vulnerable as shit.]
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[ he doesn't say much, just sits, not really watching what's going on. it's none of his business. was it ever? he doesn't know. his head hurts just thinking about it. his head hurts a lot of the time lately, much like it had for so long before he died, but he hasn't lost any time, which he'd just figured was something normal.
but now he's not losing it at all so was it really normal? he's struggling to maintain as a normal person, though "strider" basically means you're destined to be weird, but...
anyway, those are thoughts for another time. right now, the boy has vacated dave's lap so he can look at them plainly again. at least he doesn't seem viscerally uncomfortable. ]
Oh, he's staying here.
[ there's an air of finality to it; he's not going to listen to any arguments about it. ]
There's room. I can sleep on the couch. I did long enough. I'll need you to keep an eye on him at some point when I run a couple errands, though.
[ yeah, he's gonna go murder that guy. ]
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He drinks slowly, feeling deeply uncomfortable with the idea of staying here and sleeping in Bro's bed. There's no heterosexual, platonic way to ask Connor if he'd stay and sleep there too. There's also a lingering concern that while Connor is capable, he'd probably be way more susceptible to an attack and he doesn't want to live with that. Bro is another kettle of fish.
So, he just steels himself to the fact that it's happening whether he likes it or not.
He hasn't noticed that he's uncommonly quiet about it all. Even if he is recovering from near-death it isn't like him to just tiredly accept things without making a remark. By the time it's all arranged, the glass is empty.]
Okay, I'm done.
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I can stay while you run some errands. [He's pretty sure the errand is murder, but.] I don't work today.
[Sometimes, his boss just tells him to go home and stay home. Apparently "yes, I will work an unhealthy amount" is... frowned upon when you're a Gembonded. The job is how he pays the rent, frequently ignoring the government text messages about "you should probably go hook up with someone so we can pay you."
Connor shifts on the couch, bringing his leg in contact with Dave's.]
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that something is in fact to equip a sword (he stuffs it in his sylladex, he doesn't want to get stopped by the cops for carrying around a goddamn katana) and grab... a gas mask? why does he HAVE a gas mask? you know what, sure, dirk strider owns a gas mask. why not. he's holding onto the strapping with two fingers and letting it dangle behind his shoulder as he moves, and he pauses when he comes back into the living room. ]
Lock the door after me. Can you get him into the bed or should I carry him? No arguing, Dave.
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Now it's annoying because it makes him feel like a kid but he still doesn't hate the reassurance he gets from it.
When he leaves, Dave just shrugs at Connor like it's normal for Bro to just dip before they've finished a conversation. He lets himself lean lightly into Connor. Not quite deadweight on him but not fully supporting himself. It's totally not an excuse for closeness which doesn't last when Bro comes back in the room.]
Woah, woah-- [Dave pushes himself up off the couch, he teeters a little but he finds his footing. His voice is still raspy like he's been fighting off a persistent chest infection.]
I think the fuck not. Where are you going? You don't both get to act like I'm an idiot for getting clowned on by a crazy guy and then go after him like it's nothing. [He clears his throat.] That's stupid.
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[Connor catches Dave's wrist and very gently but firmly tugs on it to try and get Dave to sit the fuck back down. He doesn't mention the gas mask or Dave's muttering about retribution because it's whatever. At worst, the guy actually dies. At best, he dies but comes back as is usual in these situations. Most likely there's just gonna be a fight and someone will get stabbed but then somebody calls the cops and the message has been sent so whatever. In which case, hopefully he'll learn the lesson and not randomly gas people in the future, even if they did troll him.
Dirk can have little a retribution, as a treat, as far as Connor's concerned. If a guy's running around gassing people over every little thing he had to have done something to actually deserve getting a tiny bit murdered. You can just run around committing crimes like it's GTA and you're Tommy Vercetti or whatever.]
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[ it's something strange, to hear the twang coming out of him. it's rough and a little low, and odd for a man who consciously evens his voice to be as un-accented as possible. he says this to dave. then he turns to connor and nods, going to the door and pausing in the threshold. ]
Remember what I said, and don't answer the fuckin' door for anyone. I don't care if it's a goddamn gem scout or whatever passes for girl scouts out here.
[ and then, he goes. the door clicks shut quietly behind him. ]
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[Don't you fucking twang at him you Southern Asshole. It just makes him more nostalgic and more scared of losing Bro again.]
That's bullshit. [Dave says to both Connor and Bro but it doesn't take much more than a wrist tug to get him to thud back down on the couch. He watches Bro leave, bitterly. Frowning as he leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees to make it less apparent that his legs are jostling nervously under him.
He's very clearly sulking but damn if he's ever going to address ANY of this.]
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[That's not true. His sexuality is a little bit like his personal conception of gender: decline to answer, but fluid. Part of him just likes reminding people he's into men constantly and loudly. It's cathartic or whatever. Connor trails after Dirk, when he goes, locking the door as requested before turning back to Dave. He watches for a moment before walking back over.]
Hey. Come take a nap with me?
[That's probably weird, given that this is Dave's brother's apartment, but also Dave needs to take a nap and Connor needs to, uh. Sleep? So he can have his spell slots back. He has a feeling he might need them whenever Dirk comes back.]
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Sounds good.
[If he pretends they're not here, anyway. He pushes himself up from the couch and although he finds he needs to brace on the arm of it for a second he feels largely capable of walking if not a bit disoriented.
He looks around before starting to shuffle toward the bedroom, arms folded loosely over his chest.]
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he was he was
everything i'm not, my whole universe
when i was a footnote, a slim second verse—
Don't think about that, actually.]
On account of you're the idiot who trolls under his own name, you get to be little spoon.
cw; child neglect/abuse!!
He drags his fingertips over the wall as he walks, it's not surprising that he should be a little tense in this moment but as they circle into Bro's room he seems so distracted by it that he barely hears Connor. In fact, he doesn't respond for a noticeable amount of time as hesitates in the doorway and then steps into the room to perch very, very awkwardly on the foot of the bed.
Oh right, Connor said something. What did he say? Too late. Just laugh.
He feigns a laugh, way after Connor initially spoke and just marinates himself in how he feels right now. Kind of nauseous, a little bit anxious, overwhelmingly stupid and still tired. He peels his shirt up over his head which musses his hair up and reveals some patchy, red marks that are already much better than they were when he was found. He might owe some of that to the gem but most of it to Connor, so he should probably stop being in his feelings and acknowledge him.]
He died when I was thirteen, just in case the tension wasn't palpable enough for you. [The words and he was kind of a huge asshole are in the back of his throat, but he can't make himself say it so he just flops back onto the bed and haphazardly kicks the covers down to settle under them before he rolls on his side.]
cw: previous suicide attempts
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