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« goodtimesgo » TEXT ✧ AUDIO ✧ VIDEO ✧ ACTION Connor Murphy ✦ Dear Evan Hansen
RESIDENCE ✦ Jackdaw Ranch
GEMBOND ✦ Sapphire
Dear Evan Hansen, we've been way too out of touch.
Things have been crazy and it sucks that we don't talk that much.

INFO ✧ PERMISSIONS ✧ KINKLIST

Comments

[broyonce]

If I'm honest... It's not even so much the touching as the intimacy. I'm no good with it.

[ he picks at his nailbeds briefly, looking at his hands like he can still see the blood on them. he doesn't have his gloves on because they're drying; his hands are scarred too. when he speaks again it's after a long silence. ]

I did feel it, earlier. It wasn't as difficult as I thought it'd be, but that still doesn't mean I'm particularly open to doing it in general.

[ he feels heavy suddenly, tired and weighted, and he's not sure if it's the lack of manna, the wounds, the conversation, or all three. ]

I didn't feel any better after the spar. I should have realized why to start with.

[yourattention]

Yeah. The rewards of being loved aren't worth the mortifying ordeal of being known.

[He hesitates for a moment, dropping the rag in his hands into the sink, music fading into the background until it's entirely silent. Connor can still feel it, but that's different from hearing it.]

Can I try something?

[broyonce]

Mm.

[ he shifts to look over at him, brow furrowed a bit, but then his face relaxes a little into something measured and flat and he nods. ]

Go for it.

[yourattention]

[Connor crosses the space between the kitchen and the couch, sitting on the floor. For the record, this is what he's singing, but the music that comes back in is much more stripped down, and Connor's voice is much more vulnerable than angry. He's had this thought recently that if it's about intimacy, the mortifying ordeal of being known, singing probably qualifies. For him, at least.]

I am all the teams I never made
and all the games I never played
Parents who mistreated
and every time I was defeated
and every breakdown...
Every person who forgets you,
every friend that left you,
nowhere else to go

[There's the barest thread of suggestion behind it when he does it, the tiniest implication that Dirk should just accept this and let it happen. Just let him sing this weirdly emotionally vulnerable song to you and see if it causes anything to happen.]

[broyonce]

[ dirk just sits quietly, for it. song has been important in his relationships in the past, no matter what kind--ginger lipsyncing songs onstage to make him blush, making music with dave, on and on.

he doesn't think about it much as a rule, but that's going to work here too. he listens, really listens, and it really is a raw and open song that he didn't expect. they hardly know each other, but here connor is, and it's... he doesn't know how to describe how that makes him feel, so he won't.

it does feel like something though, and he runs his tongue over his teeth in a close approximation of nervousness. not quite, but close.

he doesn't interrupt, though one hand does briefly skate out to brush over connor's hair. just once. ]

[yourattention]

[Connor swallows when Dirk brushes his hand over his hair. His hair's tied up in a bunch of self-image shit for him, so it's. The contact makes something settle in his chest, warm and quiet.]

Before the breakdown
If I keep running, I'll escape it
One day I might make it
far away from home
where every broken bone and scar
won't define just who you are
Someday I'll grow up just like you should
before the breakdown breaks you for good

[His voice quiets on the last line until the last word is basically whispered. Synchrony feels... different? To him. Or rather, it's not so much something he feels as something he hears as the midpoint of a mashup and harmony blending into melody. The problem is that new emotions take a while for him to interpret properly and he can't quite tell what happened there. Instead of worrying about it, he breathes.]

I can't really tell how well that worked, so you're going to have to give me a review here.