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« goodtimesgo » TEXT ✧ AUDIO ✧ VIDEO ✧ ACTION Connor Murphy ✦ Dear Evan Hansen
RESIDENCE ✦ Jackdaw Ranch
GEMBOND ✦ Sapphire
Dear Evan Hansen, we've been way too out of touch.
Things have been crazy and it sucks that we don't talk that much.

INFO ✧ PERMISSIONS ✧ KINKLIST

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[chumpelstiltskin]

Six.

[He pokes his face before he can fully slap him away. He takes the spatula and regards it like one might regard an unpinned grenade but he turns to the cookies anyway.]

Bottom cupboard right next to the fridge. Gotta keep things low.. [Because Karkat is short.]

Because. What am I doing here?

[yourattention]

You take the spatula and stick it between the cookie and the baking sheet to free the cookie.

[He's, um. Somewhat comically? Bent over trying to pull a plate from said cupboard. It gives Dave a great view of his ass, though, if he's looking.]

.... You do know how to use a spatula, right?

[It's entirely possible Connor's realizing the big flaw in his plan right now. The flaw is that Dave's fucking useless in the kitchen.]

[chumpelstiltskin]

Well yeah, duh. You spatch with it. [Dave says, as if he wasn't a little stuck on what to do there.]

How come you know all this stuff? Don't say survival skills because I know damn well you don't bake cookies in the wood... Not with a spatula, anyway.

[yourattention]

Larry forced me to do boy scouts so out of spite I picked the most useless merit badges possible. [A beat.] Then a god trapped me on and island and all those skills turned out to be useful so joke's on him. I did need to sail a boat.

[Remember that part of the conversation where he insisted his life is super normal? Yeah, anyway.]

[chumpelstiltskin]

[Dave pulls a considering face, ultimately feeling like he understands that logic. Spite works.

Dave turns, with a freshly spatched cookie in his hand. Ruby is a blessing because now he knows the pleasure of a truly hot cookie.]

I'd pay good money to see you in a boy scout's outfit.

[yourattention]

Like in a kinky way...?

[Connor straightens, holding a plate. He's giving Dave a considering look, mostly because he has definitely seen weird boy scouts porn. Is that a kink he's into? Unclear, but he's down to try it if Dave wants.]

Like you wanna be my Scoutmaster and corrupt my innocence.

[chumpelstiltskin]

You know, I don't actually know.

[And that's a dangerous line to dance around, but he's had a lot of that apple-vodka and it makes bad ideas good.]

On the one hand it's funny, on the other hand I bet you look good in a little kerchief.

[yourattention]

I look good in a lot of things, Dave.

[He holds out the plate, so Dave can put the rest of the cookies on it. Is he into dressing up? It sounds fun, at least. Maybe that's an idea for later. He's got the makings of Britney Spears circa ...Baby One More Time somewhere in his closet. Guys like schoolgitl outfits, right?]

But I have a feeling it's gonna be weird if you want to be the one corrupting me. Not the a bad way, just... you know.

[He's saying he's gonna be difficult about it.]

tw; abuse

[chumpelstiltskin]

Not if it's not kinky. Or if it's a healthy kinky relationship? Do those exist? Like I'm a Scoutmaster but you get badges for not ghosting me and ignoring my texts.

[He stares straight at him, eyes not leaving him as he bites into his cookie.]

Or something less specific. Always wanted to wear the hat. Not that I went to Scouts because when my Bro wanted me to toughen up he just wailed on me.

[yourattention]

[Connor would argue kinky relationships turn out healthier than most regular relationships because you have to talk to each other or it starts to fall apart, but he doesn't feel like getting into it. Instead, he rolls his eyes and holds out the plate more insistently. Put the fucking cookies on the plate, Dave.]

I don't ignore your texts unless I'm at work and that shouldn't count because I'm at work.

[At worst he takes a while to respond or he refuses to respond in anything but memes. Which, like. Is sort of ignoring? But in a very technical way that is indicative of dealing with Connor.]

Besides, that's not what I meant.

[He just does not at all elaborate on what he did mean.]

[chumpelstiltskin]

I know the difference between an honest reply and a meme you shoot out dude, don't trip. [He arches a challenging brow at him, but he starts to stack the cookies on the plate anyway.]

What did you mean, then?

[yourattention]

Memes are an honest reply.

[He makes the effort to sound vaguely offended by the implication there, which is perhaps the way to tell he's not being sincere.]

Anyway, it's... uh. I just realized I haven't, like, aged in a while.

[Which means he's... technically 18, physically. And he's never going to get older than that.]

[chumpelstiltskin]

Ohh. Oh god. So are you saying it's weird because I'm like, way older than you? I don't think I follow.

[He glances at the drink in his free hand and slowly takes a sip anyway.]

You're not like, 16 are you?

[yourattention]

No, I was 18 when I died.

[But barely. He turned 18 like two months before he died.]

It's just weird to remember, because I'm simultaneously older than you and younger than you.

[chumpelstiltskin]

Huh.

[Dave sucks his teeth as he considers that. He gives the impression of no thoughts, head empty generally but briefly he looks like he's having a deep thought.]

You think you're immortal or will you just hit your natural lifespan and stay a twink the whole time?

cw: suicide mention

[yourattention]

[Connor briefly counts on his fingers. One, two, three, four—]

How many times do you need to off yourself and come back before it counts as immortality? Because I think my natural lifespan was... 18 years.