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its just a cake dw abt it

[>thinks about the fact that all his physical transformations have been kind of... sex-related and embarrassing
>thinks about who he's talking to]

i dont seem to transform like other ppl really which i guess is a good thing

[ That's more than fair. ]

hey! that's lucky! I think?
most people are either annoyed or don't like it. not that I blame them!
I mean, one day you're just living your life and the next minute you're sprouting all kinds of stuff your body didn't have before.
Dave got ears he hated, even if, between you and me, I still think they were cute.
and my friend got horns, the biggest bat wings I've ever seen and dark scales all over his body. it was a little scary at first, but he looked really

anyway, I even got to be more like my old self again! so it isn't all bad, there's just no predicting how it will go.
what's dwabt?

"don't worry about"

its not like transformation is a big deal though it wouldnt be the first time some stupid shit has happened to me and at least it seems less awful than some of the stuff ive been through

idk like ive been through annoying god shit before n this is a lot more annoying in some ways but in other ways its whatever i really dont give a shit about 90% of it

oh....

[ One of the most earth-shattering things to happen to Emil in recent history had to do with transformation, so reading that CJ had gone through something that seemed even more awful than that hollows out a pit inside. He knows that there's a lot one person can't do about the past, and a small gesture like a cake doesn't erase any amount of scars.

Emil wishes he could help, even if he puts to the subject so casually. Connor might actually not think it's a big deal, or he might be brushing it all under the rug as a "tomorrow problem" like some other people he knows. They aren't close enough for him to feel it's his place to pry. He'll just have to get creative. ]

Maybe you could tell me sometime.
I've never even heard of god shit? I mean
back home, people have talked about demons and gods but it's not like you can walk up to one and shake hands, you know?

[Connor has the world's worst baseline for "what I will get upset about" and, essentially, unless the world is literally ending somehow he files it away under "sucks to suck" and shrugs it off. Well, he also gets upset when he has to have personal conversations, but that's a him problem. Is this healthy? Probably not! Is he going to keep doing it? Absolutely.]

sure i love talking about god shit all gods are bastards even my patron chac'lan but especially balance

all my homies hate balance

[Actually, all his homies hate Bliss. Connor specifically hates Balance for personal reasons.]

is that really their name? balance?
what does a god like that do? juggle?

[ This is an honest question. It's also a stupid one and deserves to be called as much. ]

no but i forget what their actual name is bc theyre a vagueblogging asshole thats just their domain or whatever

you know like sapphire is the god of friends and water and ruby is the god of sexy and fire and amethyst is the god of being the mom friend and air and emerald is the god of chilling the fuck out and also earth i guess

[He's trying to say that Balance is, quite literally, the god of Balance.]

I think I understand. people want to define what isn't familiar, yeah?
And if someone unfamiliar wants people to fear them or respect them, they just have to get defined as something they want.

[ Like that man who knew magic tricks, who had to "denounce god" for his magic. People force roles on other people, and even people they call gods just because they can do things they can't. And anyone who brings misfortune, well.... in his own experience, they call them demons. ]

Maybe balance isn't about anything but making sure enough people like him or her or.... or— [ He gets a little hung up here, for other reasons. ]

If you have so much power that you'd be called a god, why worry about that at all?

thats the line between divinity and monstrosity

when someone with too much power stops caring about anything the apathy of power begins to create monstrosity and thats the difference between a god and a monster

[Then, like he didn't just swerve the conversation into a WILD direction:]

hey when you come over do you wanna watch a movie

sometimes people need power they don't have so
they make monsters to do what they can't.
do people make gods for the same reason?

[ was that a wild direction because that was completely on brand for his genre ]

you mean those moving pictures I heard about?
uh YEAH! that would be AWESOME!
I got a job so I could treat some of my friends from home to one, but then there were so many I didn't know what they'd like!

i think gods are the physical manifestation of the desire for something to blame maybe? you know, if monsters are to represent the terrifying unknown then gods are also that in the opposite direction

anyway y we can netflix and chill or w/e while we're waiting for the cake to finish

[He's committed to the phrase "Netflix and chill" being platonic. He did this to himself, and yet.]

[ netflix? it isn't that hard for him to trace parts of words and make inferences based on other things he's seen and heard around noctium. radianet is the network. someone told him a movie is a flick. so maybe netflix is just movies you can watch on the network?

well, movies and chilling out sound like good ideas to him! ]

I'd really like that CJ! which one is your favorite?

there's this really weird movie where a couple of people fall into an old marilla beach movie and it's absolutely nonsense but i've watched it like three times

[Teen Beach Movie. He's describing Teen Beach Movie, but made by the native gems.]

idk tho there's action movies and stuff too i just like finding the weirdest things i can

[ Emil hasn't seen movies, he has no taste in movies, he might very likely be more taken by the novelty of movies and fail to realize that it's bizarre and nonsensical in a way only AlienDisneyChannel Teen Movies can be.

To think that Marilla Teen Beach Movie is going to be Emil's first introduction to cinema. ]

three times! okay, this I HAVE to see.
I don't care if it's weird, I want to know what kind of stuff you like! that's half the fun of being around your friends!
or maybe at least a third.

[Can't wait for the inevitable moment where Emil questions why people are just singing and Connor has to be like "oh right, that's weird."]

is it? im not really a person who shares a lot about myself so i always kind of expect everyone else to feel the same

[ Is that not the best part about introducing someone to musicals? ]

maybe it depends on your friends? Kainé and Weiss seem to have an opinion on everything and Nier isn't afraid to say if he thinks something's stupid. they all like different things.
as long as I can hang with friends I don't really care what we're doing. and I want to know what you're interested in!
if that's not what you want, I can respect that, it's okay!

its just like.... idk if you ask me questions n stuff i might answer but dont be offended if i dont bc i dont really answer them for anybody?

like i try but its... idk idk im just not used to it so sometimes it makes me uncomfortable? but im working on it ig

that's okay, I won't be offended. thanks for explaining!
sometimes the answer can be hard to hear or painful or opens it up for other questions that might bring someone down, you know? so sometimes I'd rather not answer too.

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