[LifeAftr] storytelling masterpost

[yourattention]

all of connor's storytelling is done via song, because i'm playing from a musical and i'm not about to let you forget it. click on any image to be taken to the corresponding song's comment, which contains the lyrics, a summary, and a link to the song that's been rewritten.

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WAITING FOR A MIRACLE

[yourattention]

Base Song: Waving Through A Window, Dear Evan Hansen

Summary: A vague recounting of LifeAftr death and how Connor would really rather not, is honestly and genuinely waiting to be let down by everyone like usual, and is still kind of struggling to find a reason to live. It's fine. He's getting there.

I've learned to keep to myself Before they even know of me Before they learn my mistakes Before I lead with the worst of me Give them no reason to care No messing up if you walk away So I got nothing to share No, I got nothing to say Get up, get out of the tide If you wanna live. Stay out, stay out of the tide Because you've learned, because you've learned On the outside, always looking in Will I ever be more than I've always been? 'Cause I'm dead, dead, deadening my soul I'm waiting for a miracle I try to live, but there's no reason why So I wait around for it all to go awry While I'm watch, watch, watching people live I'm waiting for a miracle, oh Does anybody care, is anybody even living here? I start with stars in my eyes I start believing that I belong But daily tides always rise And no one tells me where I went wrong Get up, get out of the tide If you wanna live. Stay out, stay out of the tide Because you've learned, because you've learned On the outside, always looking in Will I ever be more than I've always been? 'Cause I'm shout, shout, shouting out my name Waiting for a miracle I try to live, but there's no reason why So I wait around for it all to go awry While I'm lash, lash, lashing out in fear Waiting for a miracle, oh Can anybody see, is anybody watching? When you're drowning in the ocean and there's nobody around do you even really sink, or even make a sound? (x4) Did I even really drown? Did I even really drown? It's like I never made a sound, can I even really drown? On the outside, always looking in Will I ever be more than I've always been? 'Cause I'm scream, scream, screaming out for help Waiting for a miracle I try to live, but there's no reason why So I wait around for it all to go awry While I'm watch, watch, watching people pass Waiting for a miracle, oh Can anybody see, is anybody looking back at me? (oh) Is anybody watching? Watching, watching, whoa-oh, whoa-oh

ME, ON A PERFECT DAY

[yourattention]

Base Song: For Forever, Dear Evan Hansen

Summary: The story of a time when Connor went to an orchard with his family and didn't have a terrible time. He even sort of got along with his sister, which is something of a miracle in and of itself.

Summertime or early fall My family hangs without a brawl I guess Take the winding country road Grab a scoop at À La Mode And then we're there An orchard full of apple trees The only place I feel at ease And I'm happy too Picnic lunch by the riverbend Letting my little sister win The games we do And we talk and take in the view All I saw was sky for forever Could the world pass by for forever? Felt like I could go on for forever that way My family on a perfect day We walk a while and eat a snack I listen to my sister yak about school Zoe wants to make new friends and Learn to read and know the trends "Connor, what do you think?" And my own mind is treasonous 'cause Zoe has my parents' trust but I never do It looks around and says to me "There's nothing here for you and me" And I know it's true But I talk and take in the view We just talk and take in the view All I want is sky for forever Please let the world pass by for forever God, just let me go on for forever this way, this way At the time it was light for forever But the sun won't shine for forever I can't be alright for forever this way Playing pretend on a perfect day And there she goes Racing toward an apple tree From far across the yellow field I hear her calling, "Connor, please!" There we go Wondering how the world might look from up so high One foot after the other One branch then to another We climb higher and higher We climb 'til the entire Sun shines on my face And I suddenly feel the sunset die Night comes for me The darkness speaks I turn away And I see Zoe call to me Zoe calls to me And everything's okay All we saw was sky for forever We let the world pass by for forever Zoe, you and I for forever this way, this way All I want is light 'Cause the sun burns bright I could be alright for forever this way Just me and Zoe On a perfect day

DON'T MAKE ME GO TO SLEEP

[yourattention]

Base Song: In All My Dreams I Drown, The Devil's Carnival

Summary: What was intended to be an unfaithful recounting of Connor's journey across the ocean from Enso to Monsun takes a turn for the worse as it's revealed that 1) Connor may or may not have regular hallucinations of Evan Hansen and 2) he regularly doesn't sleep because he has nightmares about drowning.

The raft, it swayed Heave ho, heave ho On the cold and stormy blue And I sailed true to the island new But strength began to wane "You haven't slept," (heave ho) he said "In many suns and moons." "Oh, I will sleep when I am dead. Shut up, we'll be there soon." He said, "Now hush, Con, just look around." "There's the bed, lie right down." But I don't want to go to sleep: in all my dreams, I drown The winds they howled: "Heave ho, heave ho!" And threw me to the deep "A storm is brewing in the south, it's time to go to sleep." The raft it rocks, heave ho, heave ho The ocean gnashed and moaned Like Jonah I'll be swallowed whole But spat back live and new He said, "Now hush, Con, here: look around." "There's the bed, lie right down." But I don't want to go to sleep: in all my dreams, I drown. Evan! Evan! I won't go to sleep. I won't warm my bed at night and hope my secrets keep. Save me, save me Don't throw me to the deep. The only thing I beg of you: don't make me go to sleep. The sky it froze Heave ho, heave ho Shore closer than I think but all I see is the haze of death as I begin to sink I close my eyes Heave ho, heave ho The pool swallows me whole Body in the water, headed to the mouth of Hell "Hush now, hush, Con, here look around. There's the bed, lie right down." I'm begging you please wake me up! In all my dreams I -

DISAPPEAR (REPRISE)

[yourattention]

Base Song: Disappear, Dear Evan Hansen

Summary: When his other storytelling goes awry, Connor is forced to relive two related but equally unpleasant memories. The first is trying to apologize to Evan Hansen for pushing him (and failing). The second is, err. His own suicide.

Guys like him and me We're just the losers Who keep waiting to be seen, right? I mean, no one seems to care or stops to notice that we're there so we get lost in the in-between But If I could somehow keep him thinking of me And make me more than an abandoned memory Well, that means I matter too. It means someone would see that I was there I don't deserve to be remembered but I don't want to fade away. If I just come and go and have no one know I was ever even here I just don't want to disappear To disappear Disappear [the entire scene with Evan actually happens here and the rest is like a voiceover to the third memory] Even though I've always been that Barely-in-the-background kind of guy, don't I matter? And even though I'm somebody who can't escape the feeling That the world's passed me by can't I matter? Though I'll never get around to doing some remarkable thing That shouldn't mean that I'm not worth remembering Think of the people who need to know - they need to know, so I need to show them That no one deserves to be forgotten and I refuse to fade away. My family can't chicken out or have any doubt that it's their fault I'm not here I don't deserve To disappear To disappear Disappear When you're drowning in the ocean and there's nobody around, all you want is for somebody to find you When you're drowning in the ocean and you can't hear a sound, all you need is for somebody to find you!

NEW MYTHOLOGY

[yourattention]

Base Song: Maps, Fun Home

Summary: In his downtime, Connor drew a map and thought way too much about what being here means.

Make this part a forest, mmhmm The forest of Enso This dark shaded stripe, bum bum bum Is the stream Paint the few landmarks And mark the Temple, mm hmm My house is this dot Quick dashes mark the path to follow Islets, a place where everyone lives Little squares for houses, scattered on land The land transfigured into topographic codes Maps show you what is simple and true Try laying out a bird's eye view Not what they told you, just what you see What do you know that's not your dad's mythology? Here's the beach where I washed back to life Here's a place I call home Sun sets over water Soon the sun won't rise In Philly, I just drove the winding rode to A La Mode on my way to the orchard to forgotten memories The road not taken Just a winding country road Here's the beach where I washed back to life Here's a place I call home Sun sets over water Sun sets over water Soon the sun won't rise

LETTERS I WON'T SEND

[yourattention]

Base Song: No Voice, bare: A Pop Opera

Summary: Dear Evan Hansen, I should probably apologize for dragging you into this fucked up mess. (or "three letters not sent")

Dear Evan, I have some things to say, but I'm sorry to say all this before my time was through. I never meant to hold your stupid words so close, but I knew - I knew your way. I never found the words to say, always thought we'd talk one day. Dear Evan, I can't begin to know the pain I've caused. How do I make sense of what I've ruined? Of what I've lost? What a mess, a perfect mess I left you to sort it out. In the sorrow, guilt, and rage, I keep coming back to shout - I'd like to start with an a - If I could take a moment... If maybe I was silent? Or you had spoken... I tried to find the words to - Just the right quotation... But I must confess I came up empty You alone must know how I feel You alone will understand Hear me now, across the sea, I have an apology, Evan. Let me be with all these memories. Dear Evan, How did a simple thing get complicated? Days crawl by, I ask myself again: "Should I have waited?" In a world that's weird and new, I have tried to understand. It's so hard to find the way when you have no voice to guide you. No voice, I drown No sound, no words Stuck here, all wrong Just breathe, calm down One sky, one sun One sun, one life One life, one truth One truth, one chance One chance

EVERYTHING I'VE DONE

[yourattention]

Base Song: Words Fail, Dear Evan Hansen

Summary: Evan showed up! It did not go well! Connor hates everything about this turn of events and his inability to cure his depression through sheer willpower!

I never meant to make it such a mess I never thought that he would come at all So I just stand there sorry Searching for something to say Something to say Words fail, words fail There's nothing I can say I guess I thought I could be whole and new I never had this kind of thing before I never had so many friends Who somehow could see the good part of me I never had someone who understood No heart-to-hearts or hanging out No one who just was there 'Cause there was all that they had to be That's not a worthy explanation I know there is none Nothing can make sense of all these things I've done Words fail, words fail There's nothing I can say Except sometimes, you see everything you wanted And sometimes, you see everything you wish you had And it's right there, right there, right there In front of you And you want to believe it's true So you make it true And you think maybe I can make it just true enough for myself that it'll stick soon Happy's just a sad invention It isn't real, I know But I was happy I guess I couldn't let that go I guess I couldn't give that up I guess I wanted to believe 'Cause if I just believe Then I don't have to see what's really there No, I'd rather pretend I'm getting better than these broken parts Pretend I'm something other than the mess that I am 'cause then I don't have to look at it And no one has to look at it No, no one can really see 'Cause I've learned to keep to myself Before they even know of me Before they learn my mistakes Before I lead with the worst of me I'll never let him see the worst of me 'cause what if Evan could see? What if everyone knew? Would they like what they saw? Or would they hate it too? Will I just keep on running away from what's true? All I ever do is run So how do I stay out Stay out of the tide? Get out of the tide

SOMETHING I'M WISHING I HAD

[yourattention]

Base Song: 44 Sunsets, The Little Prince (Cummins&Scoullar)

Summary: You know what sucks? Night that lasts a week. You know what sucks even more? Freaking out about the fact that you're becoming a functional human being and just . . . backsliding into your old habits. Which may or may not include dying, if you're Connor.

One week, all night I saw nothing but darkness So many monsters, all on Enso For day after day, there was nothing but darkness making our lives the most horrid shitshow One week, long night I fought each of those monsters Creeping and crawling, noxious and bad For day after day, fighting all kinds of monsters searching for courage that I've never had Each day of my life I have been so reluctant to seize the day So why was I suddenly in so unexpected a state that I wanted to help with Someone's safety Surely, I haven't been changing Here in this place where death can't get me and people keep asking, asking 'bout me For day after day, meeting all kinds of people Helping all kinds of people I can't be lonely and sad What is the something I'm wishing I had? One week, all night I saw nothing but darkness Hoping as I felt the net cover me that this time my death might be guaranteed For day after day, my life's nothing but sunsets I want something not sunsets I'm always lonely and sad What is the something I'm wishing I had?

INFINITE ISLAND

[yourattention]

Base Song: Figure Me Out, It's Kind Of A Funny Story (Gasparini)

Summary: Connor's figured out that . . . maybe? He can't be a shitty hermit? And it's probably shitty that he has (1) person he's comfortable calling a friend? So he needs to figure himself out.

I try to live, but it isn't coming easy 'Cause I don't know how The light within, darkened, screaming in the chaos But it can't go out I weave in circles like a broken record Every row's identical I can't escape, like I'm afflicted by the current Life is constant parentheticals Don't just drown, this place is something permanent Life might whisper, death likes to shout Don't sink now Your raft is gonna take you to What might be on the other side I wanna figure me out Everyday never focusing my feelings Always lashing out In every way, I avoid the island frontline And assuming crowds Even trees, how they stand there, strong with purpose Telling me I need to grow I just see the roots all twisted, strange and tangled And that's the only me I know I just drown and focus on forbiddens All my roots grow wildly deep underground Just cut down a tree before it lives to see What might be in the sunny sky I wanna figure me out I guess I wanna take a minute I wanna pause a thought And zoom in on the frame I'm just putting nothing in it Until the thought is gone My frame of mind's the same It's like I owe it to myself To go receive a new branding And just take a firm stand, so I climb back down into the mess And I'm scared to death This is an SOS I try to live, but it isn't very easy When you don't know how You can't go 'till you know Don't just drown, this place is something permanent Life might whisper, death likes to shout Don't sink now Your raft is gonna take you to What might be on the other side I just drown and focus on forbiddens All my roots grow wildly deep underground Just cut down a tree before it lives to see What might be in the sunny sky I wanna figure me out I try to live, but it isn't very easy 'cause I don't know how

SAILING TOWARDS HOME

[yourattention]

Base Song: Best Day Ever, Spongebob Squarepants: The New Musical

Summary: HE SAILED A BOAT AND NOBODY DIED, MOTHERFUCKERS!

Just sail back through the blue We've done all we could do And whatever happens next I'm glad I followed through The Jormun came through and they smiled at me Said "We'll get you home safely, just wait and see" Dystopic city caught us unaware But we're still here and Enso's up there And we're sailing towards home Oh, we're just sailing towards home There's no question we've made it through I could spend all day just sailing the blue Every otter, every breaking wave Is reaching out to make me brave We're sailing towards home We're sailing towards home These past two days The world's been closing in on me But though I'm feeling down I can't let them drown Put my hands on the wheel, we're homeward bound Lightning doesn't scare me, it can't disguise This feeling that's happening deep down inside Whatever comes there's just one thing to do Just sail towards home with all of you Today I'm sailing home with all of you now

(WE ARE) NOT ALONE

[yourattention]

Base Song: No One Is Alone, Into The Woods

Summary: Sometimes, you're just trying to tell a story about how you did some exploring with your friends and your brainweasels show up in the form of your fake best friend because musical theatre is weird like that. Don't worry about it.

[EVAN] Jormun cannot guide you Now you're on your own Only me beside you Still, you're not alone No one is alone Truly No one is alone [CONNOR] Evan isn't here now [EVAN] Wrong things, right things [CONNOR] Who knows what he'd say? [EVAN] Who can say what's true? [CONNOR] Everything I fear now [EVAN] Do things, fight things [CONNOR] Feel I've lost my way [EVAN] You decide, but [BOTH] We are not alone [CONNOR] Percieving I am not alone [EVAN] No one is alone Believe me [CONNOR] Unduly [BOTH] People make mistakes [EVAN] Fathers [CONNOR] Mothers [BOTH] People make mistakes [CONNOR] Holding to my own Thinking I'm alone Fucking huge mistakes [EVAN] Fight for your mistakes [CONNOR] Everybody makes - [BOTH] Just another terrible mistake Assholes can be right, spiders can be good You decide what's right, you decide what's good [CONNOR] Just remember [EVAN] Just remember [CONNOR] Someone is on my side [EVAN] Your side, your side [CONNOR] Someone else is not While I'm seeing my side [EVAN] Your side, your side [CONNOR] Maybe I forgot I am not alone No one is alone Someone is on my side No one is alone

FISH CAN SMOKE UP TOO (IF THEY WANT)

[yourattention]

Base Song: You Can Store Your Weed In My Heart, Weed Shop The Musical

Summary: The story of how Connor became friends with the Jormun, with a bonus story about some party he hosted. I don't know what you want from me, storytelling was on 4/20 I HAVE BEEN SAVING THIS FOR MONTHS FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Every good frienship starts the same and that's a well-known fact Don't even have to know their name It's all in how you act Just be kind and don't be rude and share what you might have So sometimes weed can make you friends Yeah, fish can smoke up too if they want Anyone can get high If they want Anyone can do weed If they want Anyone can smoke a joint or abstain 'cause that's the point I am not a weed savant but fish can smoke up too if they want I wasn't sure what she would think When Munin first met me I really thought we wouldn't link and she would run and flee Now the Jormun are my friends and I really do believe Sometimes weed can make you friends Yeah, fish can smoke up too if they want You can give it to some elves If they want You can put it in your milk If you want You can toke up at the beach You can take the weed and teach if you're doing what you want and fish can smoke up too if they want Just always try to have an open mind to other people's views "Don't knock things until you try" I've found that to be true I'm pretty sure we all agree, but just let us review: Sometimes weed can make you friends Yeah, fish can smoke up too if they want You can make some weed cookies If you want You can smoke up in the trees If you want When you have a weed party Give weed out smartly because consent is what we want 'cause fish can smoke up too if they want

WHO I AM

[yourattention]

Base Song: Not My Father's Son, Kinky Boots

Summary: Sometimes, uh. You're super queer? And you know your dad won't approve? And on top of every other stupid thing he doesn't approve of you for, you just. You think you can just get rid of this one! So you do. Only it doesn't actually work like that, it just makes you unhappy and depressed and suicidal - but then you end up on an island and uh. You're forced to admit that maybe you don't have to do that and maybe you should stop ignoring this problem.

When I was just a kid Everything I did, was to be like him Trying to win - My father always thought If I was tough and fought Forgot my albatross, I'd begin To fit in Look at me powerless and holding my breath Trying hard to repress what scared him to death It was never easy to be his type of man To breathe freely was not in his plan And the best parts of me are what he wouldn't see I'm not my father's son I'm not the image of what he dreamed of With the strength of Achilles and the spirit of Jack Still couldn't be the one To echo what he'd done And mirror what was not in me So I jumped in my dreams and found an escape And I learned to paint anything in my sight 'cause the world seemed brighter when laying paint down And the dark seemed lighter I was profound and I felt so proud To create out loud I'm not my father's son I'm not the image of what he dreamed of With the strength of Achilles and the spirit of Jack Still couldn't be the one To echo what he'd done And mirror what was not in me The endless story of expectations swirling inside my mind Wears me down I've come to a realization and I've finally turned around To see That I can just be me

IN A DREAM I DISMEMBER

[yourattention]

Base Song: Once Upon A December, Anastasia

Summary: You know what sucks? When your shitty Bliss dream was way better than reality and you absolutely just ignored everything that felt weird about it because you didn't care!

Real-ass friends, passion springs Things I almost remember And a song someone sings In a dream I dismember Someone holds me safe and warm Stable moods are a brand new norm Ingnore all the blatancy Across my memory [Instrumental, which is just a montage of his shitty Bliss dream. By which I mean it's a dance sequence. Shut up, it's musical theatre and I can do what I want.] Someone holds me safe and warm Stable moods are a brand new norm Ingnore all the blatancy Across my memory Far away, long ago Glowing dim as an ember Things my heart used to know Things it yearns to remember And a song someone sings In a dream I dismember

EIGHTEEN GOING ON NINETEEN

[yourattention]

Base Song: Sixteen Going On Seventeen, Sound of Music

Summary: It's his birthday on the 30th, which is not the story? The story is that 1) he helped kill a god and 2) it made him realize that he's a fucking normal-ass person and this whole situation is absurd and it's his birthday soon and he'd like to stop being in an isekai now, thanks.

You are eighteen going on nineteen Connor, it's time to think Better beware be canny and careful Connor, you're on the brink You are eighteen going on nineteen Wisdom will come with time Ensō might sink before you can blink 'cause disaster is in its prime Totally unprepared are we To face islands unknown Eager and sly and scared are we For places we might roam I'm rewriting, tidbit by tidbit Everything I once knew I am eighteen going on nineteen I don't know what do I am eighteen going on nineteen I know that I'm naïve People I greet make monsters mincemeat And I can't compete with that I am eighteen going on nineteen When it comes down to blows Fantasy warriors, people with armours I can't compete with those Totally unprepared am I To face islands unknown Timid and wry and scared am I Of places I might roam We are learning, island by island Everything we must know I am eighteen going on nineteen I just hope we grow

THINGS I WISH I WAS

[yourattention]

Base Song: Our Children, Ragtime

Summary: He babysat a unch of Jormun children, which kind of sucked? But also made him kind of like. Look back and be kinda. "Oh. Fuck me, my childhood was kind of terrible."

How they play Finding treasure in the sand They're learning about land These children How they laugh I have never laughed like this Every waking moment, bliss What children See them running down the beach How they run so fast... Toward the future... From the past How they dance Unembarrassed and alone Hearing music of their own These children It's unfair Unemcumbered by the dark Solemn joy and sudden spark Just children See them running down the beach Children run so fast Toward the future From the past There they stand Making footprints in the sand Living life as it's planned Just children Such small lives Silhouetted by the blue Unlike me though I want to Have freedom Like children

MYSTERY CALLING

[yourattention]

Base Song: Just Around The Riverbend, Pocahantas

Summary: Umui has basically proven that there's a lot of shit going on here that's not quite what it seems. Connor explored a lot this month, and he's trying to figure out if figuring out the mysteries is worth it or if he should maybe chill out a little.

What I love most about sailing is You can't traverse the same water twice The water's always changing, always flowing But people? We just can't live like that I just can't roll the dice To be safe, I lose my chance of ever knowing What's beyond the horizon line Waiting just beyond this sight of mine I look once more where the stars and moon align Beyond the shore where the sea met sky Don't know what for What I dream the day might send Just beyond what I can see A dream, coming for me I feel it there beyond Ensō Or right behind fucking Monsun Can I ignore the sound of mystery calling? For a stable sturdy living in this stable sturdy dream Never seeking the something that is coming? Such a rousing mystery I don't know what it could be I look once more seeking something I don't know Beyond the shore somewhere past the sea Don't know what for feel there's something we might owe With the way these waters flow, something hides fathoms below Should I choose the smoothest course Try and live a boring life? Should I just forget I died? Pretend I never took the pills Or can you fix everything, Storyteller? Just before the waters rise?

IN BLOOM

[yourattention]

Base Song: Waiting For This Moment, Tarzan

Summary: Haha, sike. Chilling out is for the weak - Connor made a fucking pamphlet thing and he's playing show and tell because it's important this information is out there.

Clematis, Daffodils Roses, dandelion Morning glory, delphinium Peonies and lavender It has them all Oh, I've been searching all of Umui Oh, it seems like it's been months Here I am - my head is spinning Because I'm finally getting that this is for real It seems I've been dreaming forever Calla lily, scarlet pimpernel Shooting stars, snapdragons Spots of rockjasmine and snowbells! I haven't seen anything corpse-like Ziziphus was a nightmare Everything we wanted's there We dreamed a dream, we killed a god All these flowers before us connect to Ai'tuoh We never imagined such horror All these scraps, I feel like we're getting closer still And though they're old, I feel like this mystery's new There's something eerie that's going on here And it's going to be bad That makes me feel oh so afraid I could stay here forever and never go home Embracing the blooming inside me [instrumental, which is actually just Connor explaining the goddamn thing he made] Edelweiss red poppies blooming Common lilac, bluebells too Honeysuckle for sipping nectar Gladiolus, irises Periwinkles which are my favorite An bundance of crocus All these scraps, I feel like we're getting closer still And feel that, I have to see this mystery through It's an excruciating feeling And it's happening to me I've never felt this grow inside New, exciting, and frightning, wanting to search I cannot resist this temptation, temptation

SEAL OFF YOUR HEART

[yourattention]

Base Song: All Numb, Spring Awakening (Demo)

Summary: A bunch of people told him he should just, like. Tell the truth? And live? Yeah, no. No, that didn't happen.

They think they’re so nice With their charm and advice God, they make me laugh Get some cheap little thrill From the life that they shill In their thoughts so bright It’s too comical It's only logical Hear their sad little tries Cough some more, kiss my ass Oh, all numb then you’re through You’re through with it All numb then you sink back in the ocean Seal off your heart From their bullshit platitudes They say stuff comes true That it’s waiting for you If you have a dream And I say fat chance Do your dumb song and dance Then we'll cut the scene Live with what you get What’s the sense in it? Like there just is no reason We’re born with a scream Oh, all numb, I get screwed Then I'm through with it All numb then I sink back in the ocean Seal off my heart From their bullshit platitudes Every day it’s like the same old question: do I have to stay? Every night I let a little death in They all died so why can't I? All numb then I'm through Through with it All numb, why not sink back in the ocean? Seal off my heart From their bullshit platitudes Oh, all numb That's the shit, sorry truth of it All numb Can I please just be through with it? Seal off my heart From their bullshit platitudes Oh, all numb All numb Seal off your heart From their bullshit platitudes All numb All numb All numb

IF I COULD TELL HIM

[yourattention]

Base Song: If I Could Tell Him, Dear Evan Hansen

Summary: And then Shion kissed him and now they literally can't communicate until their respective death penalties go away and Connor is slowly dying? He wants to die. And also for his own personal best buddy Evan to just shut up.

(Why are you looking at him like that?) He kissed me. (Seriously? What do you even see in him?) Well, I think There's nothing like his smile Sort of subtle and perfect and real I think I never knew how wonderful a smile could make someone feel And I know Whenever he learns more He scribbles notes down, he knows everything And he noticed That I have my own interests And I hide them so it doesn't sting But I keep it all inside my head What I see I leave unsaid And though I wanted to I couldn't talk to you I couldn't find the way The proper things to say If I could tell him Tell him everything I see If I could tell him How he's everything to me But we're a million worlds apart And I don't know how I would even start If I could tell him If I could tell him (What would you even say to him?) Um, well. I think You look really pretty, er, uh It looks pretty cool the way your eyes bring out, um, your hair And I wonder if you'd like to dance Like all the rest of the world isn't there But I keep it all inside my head What I see I leave unsaid If I could tell him Tell him everything I see If I could tell him How he's everything to me But we're a million worlds apart And I don't know how I would even start If I could tell him If I could tell him But what do you do when there's this great divide? (He just seems so not your type) And what do you do when the distance is too wide? (It's like you don't know anything) And how do you say I love you I love you I love you I love you But we're a million worlds apart And I don't know how I would even start If I could tell you If I could -

US ON A PERFECT DAY

[yourattention]

Base Song: For Forever, Dear Evan Hansen

Summary: Connor hung out with Evan in an orchard and it?? Sort of went okay????? MAYBE THEY COULD BE FRIENDS????

See him there in the orchard This exquisite torture that we share I'm not someone that he knows This is how our meetings go But now we're here An open field that's full of trees We pick a spot and mind the bees Just as you do Filling up these baskets full Nobody else in the vicinity Except us two And we pick and let silence stew All we'll be is green for forever We'll let the world pass by for forever Feels like we could go on for forever this way Awkward on a perfect day We pick a while and talk about The things you say when you don't know a dude "Haven't seen you in a while" or "How are you?" or "Oh, me too." Isn't that a mood? There's nothing that we can discuss Like things we wish we'd say right now but never will He looks around and says to me "There's somewhere else I'd rather be" And I say, "me too" And we pick and let silence stew We just pick and let silence stew I will be that guy for forever I let the world pass by for forever Feels like I can't go on for forever this way, this way All we'll be is lies for forever 'Cause the sun burns bright for forever We can't be just guys for forever this way Awkward on a perfect day But there we go Racing toward an awkward mess In this orchard it's like we meet and it's the first time I have seen There I go Wondering how the world might look if I didn't die One word after the other One phrase then to another I speak better and lighter I speak 'til the entire Thing seems so small And I suddenly feel the dam give way We could be friends My words all die I look around And I see him smile slightly He smiled slightly And everything's okay All I see is sky for forever We've let the world pass by for forever Evan, you and I for forever this way, this way All we see is light 'Cause the sun burns bright We could be alright for forever this way Two friends True friends On a perfect day

POINT ME HOME

[yourattention]

Base Song: Falling Slowly, Once

Summary: It's entirely fucking possible that everything has gotten very out of hand and he made a birthday present for Shion that was actually a love confession except he's like 95% sure Shion didn't understand what he was saying and he, uh. He might have to fix that.

You don't know it But I want you All the more for this And words fall through me And always fool me And I can't retract And gifts that never amount To more than they're meant Will play themselves out Take this sinking boat and point it home I've still got time Raise my hopeful voice, I have a choice I'll made it now Falling slowly, eyes that know me And I can't go back Moods that take me and erase me And I'm painted black Well, I have suffered enough And warred with myself It's time that I've won Take this sinking boat and point it home We've still got time Raise my hopeful voice, I have a choice I've made it now Take this sinking boat and point it home We've still got time Raise my hopeful voice, I have a choice I've made it now Falling slowly, sing your melody I'll sing it proud

REQUIEM (REPRISE)

[yourattention]

Base Song: Requiem (Solo Version), Dear Evan Hansen

Summary: You know what Connor didn't fucking want? To see his mother going through his shit. He also definitely did not want to see Evan being buddy-buddy with his dad. Like, seriously??? Fuck off????

Why should I say this isn't my home? Surrendering to a secondhand sorrow? Say I miss home and my family Oh, don't the tears just pour I could curl up and hide in my room There in my bed, still sobbing tomorrow I could give in to all of the gloom But tell me, tell me what for Why should I have a heavy heart? Why should I start to break in pieces? Why should I go and fall apart for them? Why should I play the grieving son and lie Saying that I miss them And that my world has gone dark without their light? I will sing no requiem Tonight I was a flood that swallowed you whole Sweeping you up in something untrue Hate built a fire out of control The blaze, it couldn't be tamed I cannot have have a heavy heart I cannot say I'll keep them with me I cannot go and fall apart for them I cannot play the grieving son and lie Saying that I miss them and that my world has gone dark without their light? I will sing no requiem Tonight 'cause if the villain falls, the kingdom never weeps No one lights a candle to remember No, no one mourned at all When they lay me down to sleep So, don't tell me that I didn't have it right Don't tell me that it wasn't black and white After all they put me through Don't say it wasn't true 'cause I am not the monster that they knew 'Cause I will not play the grieving son and lie Saying that I miss them And that my world has gone dark I will sing no requiem I will sing no requiem Tonight Oh, oh

THE WORLD FALLS AWAY

[yourattention]

Base Song: Only Us, Dear Evan Hansen

Summary: Do you ever just, like, fuck up so badly you just erase an entire person out of your memory? Just Connor? Oh.

[miguel] I don't need you to sell me on reasons to want you I don't need you to search for the proof that I can't You don't have to convince me You don't have to be scared you're not enough 'Cause what we've got going is good I can give more reminders of how much I want you I don't want you to fix what you'd rather forget Clear the slate and start over Try to quiet the noises in your head I can't compete with all that Con, what if it's us? What if it's us And only us And what came before won't count anymore or matter? Can we try that? What if it's you And what if it's me And what if that's all that we need it to be And the rest of the world falls away? What do you say? [connor] I never thought there'd be someone like you who would want me So I give you ten thousand reasons to push me away But if you really see me If you like me for me and nothing else Well, that's all that I've wanted for longer that you could possibly know But it can't be us It can't be us And only us 'cause what came before just counts even more and matters Don't you get that? [miguel] It's not so impossible [connor] Nobody else but the two of us here [miguel] But I'm saying it's possible We can just watch the whole world disappear 'Til you're the only one I still know how to see It's just you and me It'll be us, It'll be us And only us And what came before won't count anymore Can we try that? You and me It's all that you need it to be Let the rest of the world fall away Let the rest of the world fall away [connor] The world falls away The world falls away And it's only us