Base Song: Words Fail, Dear Evan Hansen

Summary: Evan showed up! It did not go well! Connor hates everything about this turn of events and his inability to cure his depression through sheer willpower!

I never meant to make it such a mess I never thought that he would come at all So I just stand there sorry Searching for something to say Something to say Words fail, words fail There's nothing I can say I guess I thought I could be whole and new I never had this kind of thing before I never had so many friends Who somehow could see the good part of me I never had someone who understood No heart-to-hearts or hanging out No one who just was there 'Cause there was all that they had to be That's not a worthy explanation I know there is none Nothing can make sense of all these things I've done Words fail, words fail There's nothing I can say Except sometimes, you see everything you wanted And sometimes, you see everything you wish you had And it's right there, right there, right there In front of you And you want to believe it's true So you make it true And you think maybe I can make it just true enough for myself that it'll stick soon Happy's just a sad invention It isn't real, I know But I was happy I guess I couldn't let that go I guess I couldn't give that up I guess I wanted to believe 'Cause if I just believe Then I don't have to see what's really there No, I'd rather pretend I'm getting better than these broken parts Pretend I'm something other than the mess that I am 'cause then I don't have to look at it And no one has to look at it No, no one can really see 'Cause I've learned to keep to myself Before they even know of me Before they learn my mistakes Before I lead with the worst of me I'll never let him see the worst of me 'cause what if Evan could see? What if everyone knew? Would they like what they saw? Or would they hate it too? Will I just keep on running away from what's true? All I ever do is run So how do I stay out Stay out of the tide? Get out of the tide